Assessing Success

A brief descent through a trough early this week...The webpage building is going well. Better than well, but somehow as a designer it's difficult to stay satisfied for more than fifteen minutes. Or well, I'm sure that was just me. Anyway, I got discouraged so I did a bit of archeology in my bookshelves and read some old journal. I found a note to myself dated back to 2004.06.25:

Assessing Success:

• Am I less afraid?
• Am I more questioning and less conforming?
• Do I have a broader, more accurate view of the world?
• Am I more compassionate? Kinder? Gentler? More forgiving? (of myself and others?)
• Do I have a close circle of friends I can count on?
• Am I closer to my family, parents, sibling, extended family than before?
• Do I see other people more as themselves and less of my projections?
• Am I less prejudice and more open minded? Do I seek out and challenge my preconceived notions?
• Am I more adventurous? Am I taking more risks while being less risky?
• Am I more decisive than before?
• Am I more committed to the decisions I made?
• Do I take responsibility for me, my life, actions and decisions?
• Am I more independent? Emotionally? Financially?
  
• Am I interdependent?
• Am I more optimistic in action?

Truthfully, brutally, honestly: though I spent some time to ask myself these questions, I didn't spend nearly enough time answering them back in 2004--which is why I'm still as lost as I was back then. In 2004, I didn't decide what I wanted to do with my life--but I realize that at the very least it had only been two years. The point is: I can turn this around right now by telling the truth and answering tough questions. Or even more simply: calling my friends back, writing my grandma a letter, and start running in the morning again. The work of happiness is the small stuff. (I don't want to be 60 and still feel this same empty feeling of disconnection and unfulfilled dreams.)